Heavy

My weight the other day: 229.2 pounds.
That's within 1 lb. of the heaviest I've ever been
which was about 6 months ago.

Since then I've gotten down to about 212
but it's been a struggle.

October has seen my exercise time reduce to NOTHING...

until a couple days ago. On Thursday I somehow got the motivation to set up a playlist on my mp3 player and I got out on the trail for about an hour including a couple minutes of running.

(With the exception of walking 35 minutes roundtrip for a 6 pack) my time outside on Thursday was probably more than ALL my time outside ALL month. Seriously. I've been a cave-dweller, a shut-in. I may have walked to the local convenience store once (like 2 minutes away) and I've walked outside to get the mail. Depression is just kinda killing me slowly. Right now I wanna set up another playlist, change clothes and hit the trail again but depression keeps half my mind sleepy, feeling fatigued, wanting to just lay down and veg out watching whatever's on TV. Part of me just doesn't care about my weight. Why should I lose weight? To be healthier. But why? What does it matter? When you want to die, why does being healthy matter?!?!?!